“Is it really up to me?”
This is a question I avoided looking at for many years.
I craved for people to help me out of the situations I desperately wanted out of; I struggled and struggled to find my way out.
I felt powerless to change anything and felt all the different things I was trying weren’t working because I was somehow cursed, or that I was a terrible loser that the universe couldn’t or wouldn’t help me by giving me a life free of troubles… oh I beat myself up pretty badly for years, no doubt a lingering relic of intense criticism I received when I was a child and which I had of course internalized.
The shift in my thinking was gradual and for me took many years to accomplish, because I suppose I had a lot of healing to do.
It can be very intimidating to come to the realization that we are responsible for all aspects of our lives, not just which school we go to or what job we choose or house we buy etc., but for our own inner life, our healing, and our spiritual growth.
It can be crippling to fall into society’s subtle message of waiting for someone to do it for us, that “they” will take care of it, or “they” will help us. Crippling, because as long as we subscribe to that way of thinking, we can deprive ourselves of many enriching and learning opportunities while we wait.
By gradually learning to take on full responsibility for all aspects of our lives, we learn to sit in the driver’s seat of our life, and not the hapless passenger who gets taken to ‘un-wished’ for destinations and feels very hurt and broken by subsequent events.
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