I haven’t posted a blog in quite a while…
I took a sabbatical to get my head straightened out!
From The time that I wrote my last post I learned quite a bit: I have quite a few very loving and supportive people both in my inner circle, the groups I participate in and in my readership! So thank you everyone, particularly my daughter who is very good to me!
Sometimes we can feel very invisible and question if what we’re doing is making any bit of a difference in anyone’s life, let alone our own!
I went through a dark funk and had these questions rolling around in my mind and soul.
It’s so much harder to deal with when these negative thoughts occur on a soul level, to the point of wiping out whatever advances and lessons we have learned up to this point. None of us are immune to this happening either.
No matter the deep soul work we have done, or the healing we have actively participated in our minds, we can hit a perfect storm where the spirit forgets all those advances and we become stripped bare, vulnerable and feel weak.
It is in those moments we need to reach out to people, someway, somehow. I did just that very thing. I was past a point of worrying if people would see me as less than I wanted them to see me. I was at a point of an emotional rawness that I just needed to be gut honest and tell my story in the most honest way possible.
So, did people abandon me? Did they drop me like tainted goods? No. People rallied and send me encouraging words. People were kind and gentle with me! I’m so grateful for this grace and beauty I received for it pulled me out of the mental nosedive I was in!
Rather than jumping back into my blog right away once I started to feel better, I decided that I would take some time to be a hermit and just focus my time and energy on my grandkids, after all it’s summertime and I take care of them while my daughter works. This time is precious and I know I’ve been given a wonderful gift of this time with them.
I’ve also been creating in my garage studio, which I can only do around a half hour with the garage door open since it’s just so hot! These pieces are some of the finished works and show a fun side to my art…
If you look at the artwork I’ve posted on Fine Art America, you’ll see a wide variety of styles. There’s a lot of pieces I have I still need to properly photograph to show a more complete body of work. Even with this limited portfolio you can see I’ve given myself permission to follow the creative spirit to whichever end result it wanted rather than limiting myself to one medium or one style.
Truthfully, this is because I create from a gut level. I use art to express how I feel about a subject, to express what I may be feeling on that day, to allow my hands to experience various tactile mediums and other nebulous reasons which I may not even have the words for. I’ve never tried to limit myself into one medium or style.
I know for a fact this isn’t the way galleries like to see their artists or how the collectors like to see their favorite artists, so these limitations constrict many professional artists who feel they will betray their followers if they step a toe out of the style they have become known for.
I’ve seen people limit themselves severely by the unspoken boundaries they feel imposed upon them. To be TRULY FREE in allowing ourselves to remove all boundaries is strongly frowned upon and most people will dutifully live within those social constraints to not be that person who rocks the boat!
Since I had long felt myself to be the outsider, the unaccepted one, I exalted in exploration and learning to master many styles and mediums. I lived for the challenge! It freed my soul to fully express and to create things which have a freshness and newness. With each new medium I learned, I was able to add it to my repertoire and mix and match styles and mediums to express myself on any given day.
So these pieces come from a place of just having fun and not worrying if people would like them or understand them! This has been my healing and my joy!
Years ago I reached a point of “listening to my hands”. This was something which drove my second husband crazy! “What do you mean you don’t know what you’re making?” I’d respond, “well, my hands know what they’re doing but they just haven’t told me yet!” Once finished pieces started to pop out of the pipeline he started to understand and learned to be patient and just wait and see what direction things would take!
Lately I’ve been getting the strong feeling that I need to buy gold leaf sheets and loose gold flakes to add to a lot of my paintings to bring them up to a whole different level! I will honor that, because I’ve learned that the creative spirit leads me to where I need to be.
I’ve also been working on the memoirs of my second marriage… Writing out the strange events which occurred during that time. I learned that it might be a good idea to share sections of it on my blog to get some feedback on the “first” draft. I use quotes because I still go back and do many rewrites before I feel satisfied with each paragraph. I’m not going to pre-edit which parts of my story will stay or end up being cut out later, rather I’m just trying to write what I remember… And the more I write, the more I remember.
So, my readers will read the uncut version of the book… The final book may well be very different, in that I know I won’t possibly be able to keep all the stories, it’ll just be too long.
I’m working on creating new artwork for my book “On Becoming a Lemonade Maker”, since I was told the green color I had chosen and the photo was actually a barrier to people wanting to read the book. If anyone has any suggestions or thoughts you wish to share with me, please do!
I’ve also learned about a new approach to creating the healing art workshop to work in conjunction with the Lemonade book. This will be a big project, but I’ll be able to add recordings of my thoughts and anecdotes to video demonstrations! This far exceeds the first iteration which was written directions for the workshop process.
Right after I published the Lemonade book I was encouraged to create the companion workbook. I started on it but got stalled since I was finding it difficult to imbue the writing with the same feelings I had been able to express when giving live workshops. I knew if I put it aside for a while t the Universe would send me the information in due course, which it just has!
So, does a backward step or two mean failure? Or can it allow us the time and opportunity to look at things differently and change our direction?
For me it has been a very fruitful time; the fruits will be of benefit to many people in the future too. I think how we look at setbacks, downturns, dark times, and even failures can be meaningful for our futures.
If we allow ourselves to accept the judgements we feel from others, we can box ourselves into bleakness and an emptiness in our future.
However, if we can give ourselves permission to experience the dark times, reach out to others for help and support, and be open to new directions in our lives, even if we don’t completely understand it right away, we can surprise ourselves with what we may be able to do!
I’ve been through so much in my life and I can’t dismiss any of my experiences as being unnecessary or superfluous to what I yet will accomplish…
Rather, they all fit together and play their part.
So too it is with each of us, even if you haven’t yet been shown the direction or seen the patterns.
This Universe we all live in loves and cares for all of us (even if we’re in a dark place
we don’t believe this to be true.)
Each of our dark times has a different length of time attached to it…
Our emergence brings many gifts for us and for others…
If we give ourselves permission to step out of the boxes we find ourselves in!
Have you or are you experiencing a dark time? Please remember… baby steps! Do something small to start… do something you enjoy… learn something new just for fun!
PS: EACH TIME I’ve chosen to learn something new for fun, I found out later that the Universe was prompting me, because I ended up using that skill later for my work! Life can be funny that way!
Peace! Happy voyaging!
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