It’s tempting to quit! Staying the course can be difficult emotionally, physically, spiritually and even financially.
I read a very good question to ask when one is tempted to quit: “What’s the best choice for MY greater good?”
Notice I didn’t say for the general greater good? Too many times we sacrifice our own dreams and joy for what we perceive to be a greater good, which many times is beneficial to others. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but if we’re consistently making those choices to our own detriment then a deeper look at what is for our own greater good would be helpful.
Then if you’ve determined that staying the course IS for your greater good, then pace yourself! Rest up for the next leg of your journey!
An answer to a man hurt and disoriented by women speaking up about the sexual assault they endured.
He posted “All males are currently guilty until proven innocent.”
My response, written with a gentle tone of voice:
Not so. 99.9% of the men I know I feel would never say or do anything in the likes of what these men have been accused of.
I’ve been sexually attacked (raped) and harassed (different men, different circumstances). I never spoke up about about those incidents because women know a) we won’t be believed and b) the emotional fallout afterwards makes a bad situation worse.
What’s the emotional fallout women have experienced?
Being told we deserved it. Being told we asked for it. If we’re good looking, being told that the man couldn’t help himself. Being told all men do it and to just put up with it.
The truth is ALL men DONT do it.
However, the psychological effect of women having to accept that sort of behavior as “normal” and having to stay silent and suffer in silence because we can’t speak of it and “ruin a man’s life” is that it ruins a woman’s life. We KNOW that we won’t be believed or supported.
Women are finding freedom in finally speaking of what they have had to endure silently for years. By a few women speaking up others have found courage to come forward. They problem of sexual assault and abuse is far more widespread than we like to acknowledge.
It’s difficult I suppose for decent men to realize that women they love and care for have had to endure this silently as “part of being a woman” but it has been a fact of life for us all along.
The problem is that there are a few perpetrators and they have many victims. Their victims stayed silent because the pain of not being believed or worse, being labeled and blamed for what the man did, as being HER fault and not his, was a worse prospect than what was done.
Women have seen other women who have come forward who have been publicly humiliated and crushed. The message we’ve taken to heart was “if you speak up, this will happen to you too”.
What is happening now with women speaking up must be very scary for the decent men who would never do such things and who feel very protective towards women.
Please be assured (name of man I was addressing) that most women are able to see that most men wouldn’t do these things.
However, most women I know HAVE been sexually attacked or abused by the few men who DO those things and those women, like me have also stayed silent over the years.
In my circle of friends and family, MOST of the women I know have experienced these things. Not just catcalls or groping. But rape. Attempted rape which left them wounded.
I’m sure it’s very disorienting for decent men to realize that this has been going on for millennia and was considered a normal part of being a woman. However, many women are now realizing that maybe, just maybe we no longer need to accept it and stay silent. Maybe things can change.
For change to occur we need to see the scope of the problem and unfortunately, that’s the stage we’re at right now. Women are finding their voices and speaking up.
We’re no longer feeling we need to keep those dark secrets and give THOSE men a free pass to continue doing what they’ve done, without consequences to them.
So what you’re seeing is women wanting to hold THOSE men accountable.
I’m sharing this in the hopes that the decent men won’t feel attacked or feel defensive but instead can become allies in helping us as a society not accept the unacceptable.
The behavior of a FEW men is NOT indicative of all men and shouldn’t be accepted as such!
Just because you are right doesn’t mean that I am wrong!
We live in a world where we’re taught that there’s a right way and a wrong way. Period.
I’ve observed that interestingly there’s often times many more realities than most would care to se!
Why? I think it’s because many people get so caught up in needing to be “right” that to admit that there’s another equally valid side would somehow negate their own feeling of being in the right!
We win our little islands where we’re right and somehow it feels that if we admit that someone else could be right too that we’d lose our island or have to share it!!
We’re so brainwashed by society teaching us that we need to be right and stand up for ourselves that it’s difficult to relinquish that thought process!
I think if we can look carefully at this illustration and meditate on its truths for a while that we can then become open to seeing more realities which will then enrich our lives, rather than taking away from them!!
Peace to you!
Much has been said regarding optimism vs. pessimism, usually with optimism being placed in the favorable arena while pessimism is viewed as a state to be avoided!
This quote by George Bernard Shaw really stopped me in my tracks today.
Of course, both sides have their advantages and disadvantages, and we all have those tendencies within us!
The trick is to pull our creativity to find our solutions from those areas, and finding balance so we don’t go too far off into one extreme or another.
We also have been taught that we can be either one or the other, and that we need to choose our side!
What if we’re all a little more complex than that? What if we’re all a combination, not only of those two points of view but have a few others thrown in for good measure?
Does that mean there’s something wrong with us if we don’t fit into one box or another?
No!! Perhaps the boxes are too small!! Or perhaps the boxes don’t belong in our lives at all!!
Personally I’m a strong blend of the two! I try to see both sides to get a clear picture of all the facts before I step out and make a decision as a creative opportunist!
Rather than trying to eliminate the pessimistic side, I think it’s important to acknowledge it, after all, it can bring us important information or creative concepts we wouldn’t have in our lives if it weren’t there!
We live in a culture where we’re almost brainwashed into thinking that certain states of mind are more desirable or even enlightened while negatively viewed states are seen as undesirable or showing a lack of good character!!
Yin and Yang showbus that within the positive there’s negative and within the negative there’s positive!
When we embrace all the sides of ourselves, and then put them to good use to allow them to inform us of different aspects of our lives, we can harness these viewpoints to creatively find workable solutions for our lives!
I’ve found that my creative solutions wouldn’t work for someone else much like trying to force a size 10 foot into a size 6 shoe and expecting the person to be able to run and skip!
Other people’s solutions don’t necessarily work for me either! That’s okay!
I can learn from them but I don’t need to emulate them! I also live guilt free, knowing that MY solutions have been well thought out for my own life!
So, here’s to a wonderful year, where we each look at the big picture of ALL the facts and make the best decisions for our lives, accepting both the responsibility and the good results, for in every outcome aren’t there both?
Every outcome has a bit of Yin and Yang in it, so even though an outcome may seem at first negative, there’s always a positive in it somewhere!
So let’s no longer live fearfully of negative outcomes, but simply as an outcome!! We’ll adjust our sails as necessary!!
Peace to you!